E.Q. What is the impact of using Digital technology in terms of communicating on us today?
Hook: We cannot stop! It is killing us but we can't stop!
Thesis: Using digital technology as a way of communication has led us to replace our sense of personal interaction with one another and lessen our ability to build relationships, however this life style is generally considered as utterly correct.
Argument 1: Talking to a computer instead of my friends. As time passes our ability of personally interacting with other people and making relationships lessens. We base conversations on what's new because it is what's interesting. Exploring one self and question reality is not common and therefore at some point unacceptable.
Hook: We cannot stop! It is killing us but we can't stop!
Thesis: Using digital technology as a way of communication has led us to replace our sense of personal interaction with one another and lessen our ability to build relationships, however this life style is generally considered as utterly correct.
Argument 1: Talking to a computer instead of my friends. As time passes our ability of personally interacting with other people and making relationships lessens. We base conversations on what's new because it is what's interesting. Exploring one self and question reality is not common and therefore at some point unacceptable.
Example 1: Americans use electronic devices to communicate with other people. Devices such as, computer and phones. (data)
Example 2: (Feeling more comfortable to talk to someone through a device) south park episode, season 12. Stan sister's Internet relationship.
Example 3: The book Feed, target Violets unusual behavior and arguments and discuss the consequences of these.
Example 4: Reference to my dad's interview on spending time with someone and at the same time interacting with some electronic device.
Argument 2: The Internet has become the center of the world for most people. It is right to think of it as the one with the right of running our lives in every sense.
(From looking up the meaning of a word we heard, to looking for ways to be that would be acceptable)
Example 1: Reference to the interviews on digital technology, mention the Internet.
Abrupt to a point to lessen our ability to build a relationship with other people.
Example 2: We do not know how or when to draw the line. Reference to the book Feed. Compare my own life to the character's and discuss Violet's revolutionary act.
Example 3: Own experience, when I or those around me do not have Internet, explain the situation and consequences.
Argument 3: There are some advantages to this chosen way of life, even though these cannot still be completely recognized by all people.
Example 1: Everything bad is good for us article. The author acknowledges some of the good aspects of playing video games and watching T.V.
Example 2: Richard's and Bao Lin's post on their own experiences while dealing with these devices. Why they are so attached to these and the Internet. What do they find there that cannot be found in the outside world.
Example 3: My own experience. Relate to previous example, and state arguments of why our current life styles can actually be seen as positive in a way.
Significance: Regardless of how positive these may be seen, we are still investing too much time being physically inactive. As well as the Internet and devices leading us to lessen our ability to form relationships with other people and believe is the correct way of living.
Example 1: Explain self experiment about writing letters instead of messaging or sending e-mails. Share results and impact on my life.
Conclusion: answer to the question: What can be done to change our ways, if we ultimately desire to do so?
I can't say much until i see an actual essay because there is just so many ways to write an essay. But i want to point out that argument three is more of an "opposing viewpoint," which is another paragraph that is required, then an argument. Also you would need a paragraph ofr connections as well.
ReplyDeleteDinorah,
ReplyDeleteI was looking at your thesis, and I think it could have been stronger. But first of all, I think you should scratch out the word “technology”, because I don’t think it is what the paper should be focusing on. Andy’s unit is really just focusing on “digital representational devices (DRD)”. But I guess you don’t intended to use that term. Anyway, in your thesis, when you are arguing that these DRDs have lessened our ability to build relationships, I think you should clarify that a little bit more. Because, aren’t people building relationships way better online? More friends? Contact more? Also, I’m not sure is you last part of the thesis is trying to be sarcastic or not, because it seems it contradicts with your thesis.
I think your first argument did somewhat support your thesis, but not fully. Again, I think people are still interacting and building relationships with the others, but not physically. So I guess you should specify that to make your argument stronger. I do agree these DRDs are a way for people to escape from reality or even to talk about it most of the time. But without these DRDs, face to face, I don’t think people usually bring this type of conversation also. I do think many people refused to think, not really the DRDs are in the way of making people not to talk about reality. If people are willing to talk about it, aren’t chatting online will make the conversation less awkward? The example seems okay and helpful if you deepen the argument a little bit more. Specify a little more also.
For argument 2, I don’t think it is supportive to your thesis related to communication and relationships. I think you are on the right track, but the argument is too vague. Based on your examples, I think I do know where you are trying to get to, but not specific enough.
I think your third argument is completely the opposite of your thesis. At first you are saying how it caused people to lessen the ability to build relationships, but now you said there are advantages.
Lastly, the significance and conclusion looks fine, you are on the right track to me.
Hope this is helpful! Good luck on your paper.
Bao Lin